Who's That Sitting at My Desk? Workship, Friendship, or Foe?

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By: Jan Yager

1889262943 $29.95 hardcover retail list price

An exploration of friendship at work and including the unique relationship that the author uncovered in her research about workplace friendships: a workship, which is more than an acquaintance but less than a friend. Identifies and describes the four workships that every worker needs.

"Solid advice about how to get along and make friends at work, as well as many relevant quotes and stories from people describing their own experiences with their co-workers, make Who's That Sitting at My Desk? a useful guidebook to creating more productive work relationships." -Soundview Executive Book Summaries®

Detailed Information

1.   Who's That Sitting at My Desk? An Introduction   1
2.   Types of Workplace Relationships  9
3.   How to Start, and Maintain, a Workship  17
4.   Four Key Positive Workships  39
5.   From Workship to Friendship  45
6.   Power Workships/Friendships and Cultural Concerns  73
7.   Opposite-Sex Considerations  89
8.   Dealing with Conflicts  95
9.   Coping with Endings  115
10. 14 Types of Foes You Might Encounter  131
11. How Workships and Friendships Help or Hinder Getting a Job or Growing a Business  145
12. Working from Home or Alone  157
13. Workplace Relationships Begin at Home  167
14. School as a Training Ground for Work Relationships  187
15. Personality Traits You May Find at Work  197
16. 30 Insights on Workplace Relationships  209
17. Summing Up  215

    Selected Bibliography  223
    Resources including Websites  231
    Acknowledgments  237
    Index  239
    About the Author  245

Published or reader reviews

"...her [Yager's] insight into advancement and survival in the workplace is valuable for those engaged in our competitive business environment."

—Booklist

"...this book quantifies those friends-from-work relationships...Yager...sensibly terms these relationships 'workships' and examines how they begin, develop, and occasionally blossom into real relationships..."

—Library Journal

"A pioneering work, Yager offers the reader "Ten Principles to Getting Along With Your Workplace Relationships"; "Seven Things to Never Share With a Workplace Relationships," and sections devoted to international and gender differences. Highly recommended!"

—The Bookwatch

"This [Who's That Sitting at My Desk?] is a must read for all working careerists focuses on the importance of positive relationships with those we work with....This author knows what she's talking about."

—Heartland Reviews

"Anyone seeking to improve workplace relationships will benefit from reading this book."

—Foreword magazine

"Who's That Sitting at My Desk? is the best researched and most useful book on getting along with friends and foes at work I've ever read. Don't go to work without it!"

—Don Gabor, author, How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends

"A terrific and enlightening guide to understanding the various types of relationships that exist in the workplace and the ways your career can benefit from them."

—Josh Piven, author, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Work

"In Who's That Sitting at My Desk? Jan Yager offers an invaluable guide for maintaining your workplace relationships in a genuinely rewarding and balanced manner. Bravo!"

—Nella Barkley, President, Crystal-Barkley Corporation

"Dr. Jan Yager seamlessly integrates scholarly research results with clear examples and practical advice. The result is brilliant: an accessible book that will empower its readers to improve their relationships with co-workers and hence to further their careers."

—Rebecca G. Adams, Ph.D., Professor of Sociology, University of North Carolina

"Jan Yager shows us how to create and cultivate the unique relationships we build with our colleagues, clients, and virtual teammates. Soloists at all levels of experience can gain valuable insights from this book, and use it to expand the impact of their business-both in economic terms as well as personal satisfaction."

—Terri Lonier, founder, WorkingSolo.com

"A good read, full of great examples....Keep it permanently in your business library."

—Laurence J. Stybel, Ed.D., Stybel Peabody Lincolnshire

"This book is destined to become a classic. If you are involved with any form of business, small or large, if you own your own business or are an employee, you will find gold in these pages."

—Carl Sanger, principal, Serenity Wealth Management, LLC

About the Author

Jan Yager

Jan Yager, Ph.D. (the former J.L./Janet Barkas) is a writer, sociologist, consultant, professional speaker, artist, and publishing entrepreneur whose areas of expertise include relationships and business issues including time management and work relationships. Jan's first book published by Hannacroix Creek Books, Inc., Friendshifts®, based on fifteen years of original friendship research, led to interviews on The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Today Show, The View , National Public Radio, and other programs. Other books include When Friendship Hurts (published by Simon & Schuster, Inc.) as well as two career books by Facts on File, Inc. A prolific writer of fiction as well as nonfiction whose books have been translated into 14 languages, she is co-author of two suspense thrillers, Untimely Death and Just Your Everyday People. For more information, go to: www.drjanyager.com.

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Articles

"Working Smart in Your First Job"

Stress management tips for help you avoid burnout

By Jan Yager

Marcia Pear really enjoyed the demanding schedule of her first job at a national health-service agency in Paramus, New Jersey.

As a patient-care coordinator, the Penn State social welfare major often worked 12-hour days, rarely took more than 30 minutes for lunch and frequently toiled on weekends. When her beeper would sound off in a restaurant, she didn't mind at all; in fact, she found it exciting. Pear's boss seemed pleased with her dedication, and while she was eager to become friends with her colleagues, the job was so frantic there never seemed to be time.

In fact, there was little to keep Pear from channeling all her energy into the new job. She lived at home, paid nominal rent to her parents and didn't have to adjust to new roommates.

After a few months, though, the work became overwhelming. Pear's beeper became more of an annoyance than a source of excitement, and she began to realize that her job had become her life. Pear wanted to start doing other things in the evening besides work, especially since the workload was taking a toll on her body. Each night at dinner, her parents would say how tired she looked. She frequently felt stressed and tense, and she began to get sick a lot.

"It was a job that was beyond the typical nine-to-five. It was very much the kind of thing that could lead to burnout," says Pear. "I didn't make a conscious effort to develop other interests."

Many new graduates start their first full-time jobs as intensely as Pear. Whether they plan to stay with the company two months or 20 years, they feel their entire future depends on making the most of the opportunity. And indeed, moving up the ladder may require complete immersion for a while, says Barbara Church-Katten in the career services center of Adelphi University in Garden City, N.Y.

"For everyone who starts a new job, at whatever level in their career, that first year is crucial," says Church-Katten. "Every eye is on you to make sure your performance is more than what's expected, because then advancement - if the opportunity for it exists - is possible."

About nine months after starting her job, Pear decided to make some changes. But developing a more balanced lifestyle wasn't easy.

"I continued to take work very seriously, [but] I stopped letting the pocket pager rule my life," she says.

A little less than two years later, Pear decided to move to California. Although her company offered her a transfer to an affiliated office, Pear declined it. Instead, she decided to explore the communications field, an area she says "seemed to have less of a 24-hour orientation." Pear now owns a communications firm in San Francisco that specializes in health care, employment and financial services.

If you're eager to succeed in your first job, the temptation is to throw yourself into it wholeheartedly. That's fine, as long as you're careful not to neglect other critical aspects of your life. Continue to devote time to meaningful personal relationships and extracurricular activities. Make sure you eat well, get plenty of sleep and moderately exercise three times a week. Maintaining a balance is critical, all work and no play can jeopardize your career and health.

The following tips will help you adjust to and thrive in the working world without giving up the rest of your life.

Choose carefully

Assessing which job to accept after graduation-and whether or not it's the right one for you-can be even more important than how hard you work. Start by asking yourself the following questions: Where do I want to go? What do I value most? In what work environment am I most likely to excel? How hard am I willing to work to get to the top? How much money do I need-or want-to earn? Do I need a high salary now, or am I willing to work for less at the beginning, knowing I'll make more money later? Do I want to live close to my family? Friends? A major urban area? A small town?

When considering specific job offers, think about whether the company's environment is one you'd envision staying in for several years, advises Church-Katten. Also consider whether the position will offer the challenges, responsibilities, growth potential, colleagues, supervisory structure. personality fit and corporate culture that will suit your needs.

Once you've accepted a position you're sure is right for you, work hard at it but don't go overboard, advises Dr. Herbert J. Freudenberger, a New York City psychologist who coined the phrase "burnout" 20 years ago. He cautions that giving your all to a first job is a strategy that can backfire.

Pace yourself

"The profound example in my office is the young attorneys who, when they first get into law, work 12- or 16-hour days, seven days a week," says Freudenberger. In so doing, they overlook their nutrition and any outside activities whatsoever. In the process, they're truly unable to maintain the pace. [Then], when they become ill or seek to leave earlier, they're perceived as sloughing off. What they haven't learned yet is [when] working hard, you need to pace yourself?'

To recognize the signs of impending burnout, be open to others' comments, says Freudenberger. Family members, friends or romantic partners may say you're acting differently, or complain they never see you anymore. In later stages, your appearance may decline, you may stop returning personal phone calls, you may feel lonely (because you've stopped socializing) and you may get coughs, headaches, stomach problems or colds that linger. If your life continues at this pace too long, you become a prime candidate for an ulcer or heart attack.

"If the head says go and the body says no, listen to the body," advises Freudenberger.

Trimming a workaholic schedule shouldn't make you feel like a slacker. In fact, taking a less zealous approach can actually improve your performance, says Stanley M. Cherkasky, president of Gunneson Group International, a management consulting firm in Landing, NJ.

"Don't try to sell yourself or feel the need to prove yourself early in the game," Cherkasky advises. "First get the lay of the land. Establish your credibility and the rest will come naturally. Learn as much about the company as possible. Talk with individuals from all departments. Become the internal company consultant. Read all press releases or articles on your company or industry. Stay customer-focused and focus your energy on increasing customer satisfaction."

Cherkasky tells of a new graduate on the management fast track at a Northeastern chemical company who almost ruined a promising career by failing to pace himself.

"He felt a need to sell himself up front and took on too many diverse tasks," Cherkasky explains. "He overextended himself thinking that was the way to make a name and create a positive perception. He failed to establish priorities and became totally ineffective. He was ostracized from the team and alienated his colleagues."

With career counseling, however, the manager was able to turn the situation around in six months. By concentrating on becoming an expert in his field, function and department, he enormously increased his value to his employer. Eventually, he became the company's assistant controller.

"He realized the first thing to be done was to build meaningful relationships within the company," says Cherkasky. He adds that it's critical to "practice and promote teamwork, because all successes are the result of a team effort."

Some recent graduates resist forming friendships at the office, either because they believe that professionals don't mix work and socializing or because they're anxious about the shift they've made into unfamiliar territory. However, putting time and energy into forming new relationships will actually help your job in the long run. After all, attachments to colleagues, friends and family members help make you feel good about yourself and your life.

By the same token, strained relationships with co-workers can be an added source of stress. Resolving the situation is critical to avoid burnout, as Lucy Hedrick, a Greenwich, Connecticut consultant and author of "Five Days to An Organized Life" (1990, Dell), discovered after taking a post-graduation job in a university's development office. Winning over the secretary she inherited turned out to be a major challenge.

"I proceeded to do so with a lot of humor," she says. "I would just throw out a one-liner as I was walking by in an attempt to be friendly."

Hedrick realized she'd succeeded when she overheard her secretary "talking on the phone, summing things up in confidence, that 'It all worked out for the best,' and I knew she was talking about me."

No matter what job you land out of school, it's wise to devote a significant amount of energy, time and determination to it. Just make sure it's at a pace you can and want to maintain.

How to maintain a sane schedule

Management consultant Stanley M. Cherkasky offers these suggestions to help you pace yourself effectively at your first job:

Reach an understanding with your boss about your responsibilities, using the job description as a starting point for discussion. If no job description exists for your position, write one and review it with your boss.
Learn the company's culture, including its prevailing management style, systems, policies, procedures and language.
Form alliances and networks within the company and beyond.
Build meaningful relationships by focusing on team-building and reaching win-win outcomes.
Initiate quarterly performance appraisals with your boss; don't wait for the annual review.
If you travel on business, stay current with your expense accounting. It's always easier to complete these reports while the information is still fresh in your mind.
Identify job activities that could be eliminated or simplified.
Become more proactive. Plan thoroughly and prevent problems from occurring.
Separate all new material and correspondence into three categories: important, routine and junk.
Make a conscientious effort to separate important from urgent tasks.
Allocate at least 30 minutes each day for uninterrupted time for planning, thinking and creative work.
Aim at doing your best but don't demand perfection of yourself or your subordinates.

This article was originally published by The Wall Street Journal, "Managing Your Career," a special edition of the National Business Employment Weekly, Spring 1992. All rights reserved. This article may not be altered, re-posted, or published without written permission of its copyright holder, Jan Yager, Ph.D. Reprint requests to: yagerinquiries2@aol.com.

Jan Yager, Ph.D. is the author of Who's That Sitting at My Desk? Workship, Friendship, or Foe? (Hannacroix Creek Books, Inc., 2004).

Links of interest

Business-Related Networking Links compiled by Jan Yager, Ph.D.

Neither the author nor the publisher are responsible for the content in any linked sites. Since associations and companies can change and information may become outdated, the accuracy of any listings cannot be guaranteed.

American Management Association (AMA)

1601 Broadway
New York, New York 10019
http://www.amanet.org
A membership association for managers offering networking opportunities as well as seminars in numerous cities throughout the United States and selected foreign cities on business topics such as communication skills and time management for non-members as well as members.

CEO Club (Chief Executive Officer's Club, Inc.)

457 Washington Street 1st floor
New York, NY 10013
http://www.ceoclubs.org
Networking association for CEOs; organizes international trips to find out about doing business with other countries.

Company of Friends (CoF)

c/o Fast Company magazine
375 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY 10017
http://www.fastcompany.com/cof
CoF is a business networking program that evolved from the magazine, Fast Company. Local groups have get-togethers, with and without guest speakers, such as breakfasts, lunches, and after work programs.

Mediabistro.com

http://www.mediabistro.com
New York-based website for relationship building for media professionals including educational courses as well as local networking events throughout the United States and in selected international cities. Also posts job listings at the site, updated daily. Offers one night seminars as well as 4- or 8-week sessions, in person and online.

Classmates.com

http://www.classmates.com
National database of members who register as a way of finding old classmates, former co-workers, or members of the military. Basic membership is free; membership with more services has a fee that can be paid monthly or annually.

For additional links on work and work relationships including conflict resolution and business information websites, read Who's That Sitting at My Desk? and consult the Resource section.

Media and other inquiries

To book Jan Yager, Ph.D. for a TV, radio, or print interview, send an e-mail to the publicity department at Hannacroix Creek Books, Inc.:
publicity@hannacroixcreekbooks.com or call (203) 321-8674 (You may also send an e-mail directly to Jan Yager yagerinquiries2@aol.com).

To book Dr. Jan Yager to speak at your meeting or for your corporation or association, contact your favorite lecture bureau or send your inquiry to Dr. Yager:
yagerinquiries2@aol.com.

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